how was i to know

when you never spoke a word

always the quiet one

you kept it bottled in

now the tears are falling

and i don't know what to do

reliving memories that i thought had once faded

your face it's haunting me

like an image you can't turn from

how can you blame me

when YOU broke my heart

and left me to stitch it whole again

i gave you everything

and everything you took

you speak of being broken

well, "love", you're not the only one

you made a fool of me

but i didn't even care

all i wanted

your arms around me

your lips against mine

our hands intertwined

some things are meant to be

but some times obstacles get in the way

it's like it's happening all over again

but you should have known

everything worth having

is worth fighting for

are you fighting now

because you couldn't fight then

all the lies you told

i still don't know what to do

how can one person

make another feel so paralyzed

i'm sorry i wasn't always there

but you were always in my heart

but how was i to know

when you never spoke a word

Wow....I haven't been on this in over a year....where should I start? My life is really kind of crazy right now. I am about to start the process of getting divorced....yeah......but I have an amazing one year old boy named Christian who is the light of my life. My whole world did a 360 when I had him, which I assume happens to every sane mother. I just moved back to Texas from Mississippi (where my husband is). I still love him, but we are two totally different people who want completely different things and I just can't put up with his shit anymore...so I'm living the single life....I got drunk in Shreveport with some friends last night. Definitely needed that.....it was a blast. I kinda made the mistake of falling back in love with Josh. I swear, I have to be the most stupid person on the face of the earth. How many times can you fuck someone before you realize that maybe you just shouldn't. AT ALL! He is the biggest asshole I know...but yet, he is so adorable...my mom is pissed at me about the divorce but it's my life and I have to think about the well being of my son and myself....I haven't seen any new movies lately...well, I saw Jumper...I want to see The Ruins.....might be good....So I guess I am going to try to live for as long as I can without love...I think I am stronger than before...but only time will tell........

Wow...2 more weeks today until the wedding.  I am so excited!  Frank and I still have toget our wedding license, though.  i got a job at Arby's and I start Tuesday.  Well, I am tired.

I live in Fort Worth, Texas.  It sucks, though, because I cannot get a job.  I have been trying to get one for the past 3 weeks without any luck.  Frank and I set a date for our wedding: July 9th.  I am so excited and I cannot wait.  We still have a lot of planning, though.  We are planning to have a simple, country wedding and one of my uncles (whom is an ordained minister) is going to marry us.  I am San Antonio right now visiting my sister and her husband.  We are heading back to Ft. Worth tonight.  Frank didn't get to come because he had to work and I miss him so much.  Oh, I never explained how Frank and I met.  At the beginning of the year, I lived with some friends in Waskom, Texas where I am of course originally from.  They were kinda on the whore side so they were constantly inviting guys over that they had never met before.  Well, one night us and a bunch of our friends went bolwing in Shreveport, Louisiana, and they met this guy named Russ.  They invited him out to the house in Waskom, but he couldn't come out for some reason.  The next night we had a party and my roommates called him and told him about it.  He asked if he could bring two of his friends that he had just met that day because they were his only ride, and they said yeah.  About 2 hours later, they showed up and when Frank walked through the front door, this feeling that I had never experienced before rushed through my body.  Our eyes connected and a smile spread across our faces at the same time.  It was like at that moment we both knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  I know that sounds crazy, but hey, this is my story!  For the next month, I played hard to get.  Frank called me at work at Sally's and he pratically started living with us in Waskom, but then we finally started dating on January 26 and he proposed on Feb. 6.  I know that is a short time, but when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you shouldn't wait for anything.  Well, I guess that's the dhort of it.  There is a lot of drama, like a crazy exgirlfriend that won't leave Frank alone, but you can't enjoy or respect all the good times without having a few bad ones.  I wouldn't change anything in my life because now I have the greatest gift ever and that is my fiance, Frank.  The bad relationships in your life help to shape you for that one special person that you will love your whole life.  I hope everybody can find that person in their life and cherish forever. 

hey i haven't blogged in a really long time. i wasn't even sure if this would still exist but it does.  well so muchhas happened since the december. i met the love of my life in january and now we are married.  i find it amazing how this world works like how certain things would never happen if we didn't make actions that would change our lives forever.  If i had never dropped out of college i would never have met frank and we wouldn't be together now.  BUT if i had never gone to college, i would never have met one of the greatest, most exciting people ever.  Tommy, i miss you and i will never forget you.